Hollow Grounds

My depression is a transformer. 

It changes its appearance seven days out of the week,

And to speak 

as if it is something easy to explain

Can drain

the life right out of me.

One day, it is a small wave.

The next, it is a tsunami

rushing towards me that I feel will destroy everything in its path.

And I was asked, 

“why don’t you ever want to leave your bed?”

Because I am alive, but every ounce of my being feels dead. 

I don’t want to go to the beach anymore. 

I am tired of places that remind me of sand castles

and things that can be washed away. 

Things, that only last for a moment. 

You don’t know what it’s like

To not even believe that your own shadow thinks you are worth following. 

The only time I feel alive is when I write

And each time pen touches paper

I feel a cynical tap on my shoulder

Whispering, “this is not home”. 

Broken, is all I know how to be.

Anxiety, is what makes it hard to breathe.

Like being stuck in a see-through gas chamber with your mask staring at you from the other side. 

My pride,

may be holding me back. 

But being happy is not my choice. 

Depression is a boy

telling the woman who brought him into this world that he wants to be taken out of it. 

Just listen

To the way that I sound when I say

“I’m ok”. 

That is me,

crying for help as my pride wipes my tears away

before anyone can see them.

And I miss my freedom. 

The ability to walk without the weight of my sins forcing me to my knees 

As I pray for the strength to stand up

And be tall again. 

I miss being tall. 

To see things from a higher point of view

And 

There are days, 

Days that my body aches from nothing at all.

Aches, as if being torn down by a wrecking ball 

With no idea if it can ever be built the same way gain. 

I am sorry, 

For having a grim

face in a room full of laughter. 

Things don’t seem as funny when you feel lonely surrounded people who claim they love you, 

For you. 

 

By Tevin J. Reese

4 thoughts on “Hollow Grounds

Add yours

    1. Love you too! I’m glad my work can touch you like that. That’s all I want when I share what I write with the world. So, thank you.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: