UPHILL

For me,

Reality always hits the hardest when I’m on an uphill climb.

I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve with all of the things that I’ve seen.

So I roll mine up

and never stay stuck

on one person.

Hopping in and out of swimming pools of love

Trying not to stay long enough to get wrinkles in my skin.

Feelings frozen at the brim

of my antennas,

So I never give women signals.

No signs of attachment

Seeping from my pores.

Only long hallways with closed doors.

Leading her to a destination that does not exist.

I twist

her words and mine

To fit a world that’s only alive in her mind.

Time.

Something that she believes will change me.

But I am the man I was meant to be,

And in this moment the temporary fallacies

That are tempting me

Force my hands to hold things that have no real value.

No real soul.

I am love-fearing,

Straight from the depths where gold

covers fake chains

And names

don’t mean much.

Where your word is not your bond

And people grow fond

of material things.

Faith.

Something I have lost.

It is hidden somewhere between my rib cage and my spine.

Trying to find

it has been my hardest task.

I ask God for answers.

Only to have him teach me things that make me bask

In a pile of my own regrets.

Life.

Mine often feels like I am constantly drowning in a whirlpool of bad luck.

If you look into my eyes you will see

The chances I never took,

And the ones that I shouldn’t have.

Check my smile.

It is bright and real only to those who believe in fairy tales.

This is an autobiography.

No false stories or happy endings.

Just chapters filled with short stanzas of happiness

And run-on sentences of misery.

     

                        By Tevin J. Reese

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