5am On My Sofa

Have you ever read a great book in its entirety?

You get to the end and you’re upset that it’s over so you open it back to the front page and lose yourself in it all over again.

The best thing is that you can choose to only read the good parts.

Life doesn’t work that way.

We can’t skip over the chapters we don’t like as if they never happened.

I get flashbacks

of the bad times.

The hashtags from old twitter topics still sitting in my mind’s

favorite gold-starred dungeons.

As I scroll down my old timeline of regrets,

I reopen the secrets I wish were never told to me.

It always seems like the negative things are what I see the clearest.

These HD quality images come together and

form the best horror film ever created.

Maybe it’s me.

I always do things the hard way,

As if I sit and plan the toughest route for myself to run play after play.

Stepping foot on the field of a relationship is just the start.

You have to choose to suit up every day.

Tighten up the straps on your helmet to protect yourself from the headaches.

The frequent arguments about things that shouldn’t even matter.

All of the pads in the world couldn’t soften the sharp stabs that they take at your heart.

You should know that

To deal with me you have to deal with my past,

But if you knew about the things I did I doubt we would last.

You wouldn’t want to reread certain chapters in my life,

Still, that doesn’t give me the right to keep who I was a secret from you.

Understand that what happened before we met wasn’t the real me.

I was lost and I found myself when I found you.

I suffer from short term memory loss.

Memories of people disappear as quickly as they come

But This time was different.

The moment we met

we would connect

and the dots wouldn’t fall out of place this time.

We’re one in the same.

Some say your blood-line determines who you are, but the same people that gave us blood also gave us these scars.

These scars that….

Never really had a chance to heal.

So I’ll deal

With the horror films from the past as the reruns come on,

Just as long as we can change the channel once in a while.

I’ll pile our problems onto my back and carry that load if that’s what it takes.

Just understand that sometimes I may need a break.

Not from you but from the weight of the things I carry with me.

I don’t want to reread what was already written about us.

Trust,

That we can write a better story for ourselves and

publish a book that we will never get tired of.

                     By Tevin J. Reese

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